butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com/patriciamcknightsmyjustice
Welcome to the introduction of Patricia A. McKnight. Today a powerful speaker & strong advocate, but once a victim for more than 30 years of her life. Incredible right, why would anyone remain a victim of this violence and disgusting degradation for so long? It all started at five, I was trained to become the perfect victim, the perfect long lasting accepting and tolerating of these vicious and vile attacks. You may know a child whose life is so horrifying on the inside they are becoming the next perfectly trained victim. Help is just a phone call away, change your views about what our society has been teaching in the control of silence & secrets these past centuries. Connect with 'Trish' and arrange speaking for your next event. facebook.com/triciagirl62
Email: trish.mcknight@live.com
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Friday, September 12, 2014
BABY STEPS.......Taken from the movie 'What About Bob'
HAPPY POSITIVE FRIDAY DARLINS Wake up & let's get busy living
'Baby Steps',Dear loves, one baby step at a time. I always use this quote for those who reach out my way with life's daily battles in being a survivor. Our days are quite dark at times and others are filled with great joys. Hang onto the good and allow them to be your ladder, your guide to living the life YOU choose.
'One baby step at a time' to me, is taken from the excellent movie with Richard Dreyfuss & Bill Murray; 'What about Bob'. Well Bob is a character suffering from many different forms of mental illness, Agoraphobia, Hypochondriac, Anxiety, Depression, and reveals the funny side of what can sometimes happen when we allow ourselves to be absorbed in life with the difficulties rather than the happiness. Bob Murray is one of my favorite actors and Richard Dreyfuss plays an excellent role as the psychiatrist who is caught up in personal time with family vaca & ego, but tries hard to keep Bob challenging himself and his own growth in overcoming his daily struggles by first getting out of bed and then TAKING ONE SMALL BABY STEP AT A TIME. By the end of the movie Bob is quite relieved that indeed the Baby Step process has helped him become a happier man, that and spending time actively spending time w/ the Dr.'s children and putting himself through the process of facing his fears, by proceeding with courage in ONE SMALL BABY STEP AT A TIME.
In life we never know what might have happened to another person. We see them struggle with emotional sadness or challenges and we say, 'My goodness their hopeless'. In a way they are because of how they are viewed. It plagues them, because they see how other people see them, or if our perception of ourselves has been altered at all by deviate acts of another, then we may talk ourselves into believing their is judgement when there is not. For those of us who wake with the very first thought in their heads each day; 'I've got to make it through with a smile and be a positive person today'. Well dears; Brighten your beautiful smile, put on your most marvelous looking clothes, open the door to life and give them a true example of all that you are, then take that one first challenge; ONE SMALL BABY STEP AT A TIME.
<3 My best to all of my dear online & locals friends who wake to this struggle every day, no matter what might be causing the doubt in your world. My prayer for all of us, May we all take on our life as intended the day we were born and show just how amazing you really are, love & hugs babes
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13628816-my-justice
One of my favorite songs, Happy Girl > Martina McBride :) enjoy!!!
Monday, December 9, 2013
Clancy Tucker's Blog: 10 December 2013 - HUMAN RIGHTS DAY
Clancy Tucker's Blog: 10 December 2013 - HUMAN RIGHTS DAY: HUMAN RIGHTS DAY G'day folks, Welcome to Human Rights Day which is celebrated on this day every year. Having been a campaig...
Our world has seen many incredible leaders throughout the centuries, but none as great as those who have passed through in the last 50 years. Think of President John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela; all of these have left a phenomenal impact on our society. We can continue their dream for all beings to be free, to live life without fear of harm, especially the threat that lives with us each and everyday. Give it up for the great works of Clancy Tucker to bring to us some amazing changes that have touched our hearts and the plan of things in our world. Dec 10th is !!
Our world has seen many incredible leaders throughout the centuries, but none as great as those who have passed through in the last 50 years. Think of President John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela; all of these have left a phenomenal impact on our society. We can continue their dream for all beings to be free, to live life without fear of harm, especially the threat that lives with us each and everyday. Give it up for the great works of Clancy Tucker to bring to us some amazing changes that have touched our hearts and the plan of things in our world. Dec 10th is !!
Friday, February 10, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Reaching out to locals - St. Louis & Chicago
You will see a link below that shows an article in the Belleville News Democrat; my story was then sent out across the country; carried in over 40 different news sites,
(i.e. washington post, chicago tribune, desert news). In February of 2011, I published my horrific story of a life stolen away by the sadistic and severely neglectful crimes of my mother and stepfather. The novel is titled, "My Justice" and it is written to give the little girl I once was the voice she never had. The abuse I suffered for twelve continuous years as a child until I finally left home at seventeen, actually trained me into a pattern of accepting the abuses against me in my adult relationships. It also trapped me in a world of covering up who I really was inside and carrying the secrets I was too ashamed and too terrified to speak about.
The pattern of life that followed for over twenty years was one of self destructive behavior involving alcohol, smoking weed, being with the wrong men, always seeking attention from men, and making a lot of the wrong choices. This unfortunately reflected on how I was as a mother and the influence my decisions had on my children's lives. The chaos that filled the lives of my children's home is a burden of guilt I may never be able to forgive myself for, mainly because they grew up watching their mother get beaten, degraded, seeing me drunk at times as they got older, even knowing that I was smoking weed to get through my days. How do you think my decisions as a broken soul and YOUR decisions and pattern of behavior effect your children?
This is why I am working hard to bring our survivor voices together. It is truly a deep sense of peace when you can honestly start speaking about the person you are inside. It allows you to view how the choices you have made were directly reflected by the abuses and secrets you carry. That pattern leaves a strong affect on your children's lives and the cycle of bad behavior and abuse is carried forward. Your children are then forced to carry the secrets of what they see in their home. They feel the pain of their mother as she is getting beaten and destructed by the man she loves. It passes into their relationships and creates a pattern of bad choices and possibly shame from abuse by someone they trust.
It is my belief that the cycle of abuse will not stop until we, as survivors, create a wave of awareness and voices to speak out against it and truly start making the changes in our behavior to change the way it affects our children. This is the reason I am reaching out to all of you. Please join me on the show "Survivors Speak Out" or even join in with our women's support group online, "Survivors World", if you would like to have some positive and encouraging support as you start to come forward about the honesty of your past. I have provided all the links below for; my book, the blog talk radio program; and my facebook connection to join in with our private group.
SURVIVORS CAN MAKE A CHANGE FOR A SAFER TOMORROW!!!!
We all deserve to have justice for our pain,
We all deserve to have safety and peace within our homes,
We all deserve to be loved and respected,
We all deserve to have roses in our garden of life!!
Thank you for giving your time and thought at reading this blog. I beg you now to please reach out and pass it forward. There are MILLIONS OF SURVIVORS living amongst our society and each of us has a voice inside that is screaming out for our own justice against the crimes we have suffered. Now is the time to join in with us to help spread this message. No longer will our voices stay silent and carry the secrets that will pass on to our children.
Bless you all,
Tricia A. McKnight
Author: "My Justice"
Founder: "Survivors World" women's online support group
Blog Talk Radio Host: "Survivors Speak Out"
Dreamcatchers Blog Tald Radio Programing
Dreamcatchers Blog Tald Radio Programing
Links to the above:
"My Justice":
Authorhouse.com: http://bookstore.authorhouse.com/Products/SKU-000373503/My-Justice.aspx
Authorhouse.com: http://bookstore.authorhouse.com/Products/SKU-000373503/My-Justice.aspx
Barnes&Noble.com: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/my-justice-patricia-a-mcknight/1100371904?ean=9781452071695&itm=1&usri=my+justice
Blog Talk Radio Program: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/dreamcatchers/2012/01/07/survivors-speak-out
Facebook Connection: http://www.facebook.com/triciagirl62
News Article: http://belleville.com/2011/12/31/1997851/spotlight-ill-woman-shares-her.html#storylink=misearch
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Black Secrets
They don't wear any flag or colors you can see
But we see black when they attack you and me.
Sometimes they kiss us good morning ;
Then with a hiss they strike without warning.
To others they appear so sweet & kind
If only Mom didn't act so blind
The sickness grows inside of this soul
But he threatens me if I ever told
He stalks in the darkness; sneaking about
My soul starts to jump; churning inside & out
He is next to the bed; suddenly there looking around
The hand shoots up; then comes clasping down
Molding tight against my mouth
Keeping me quiet so that I don't shout
There's another hand that rips & tears at my breast
It feels like fire as it rubs on my chest
Gently at first but then so painful
The breast isn't grown to give him his handful
The little girl is terrified and wants to cry
But she curls inside & tries to hide
If her soul can bury the feeling she has
Then she won't feel the fury of his attack
His eyes are glowing
The devil is showing
The hand still gripping around her mouth
Grows tighter as his other hand burns going south
"Why does he hurt me so as his hand moves about?"
Grabbing, digging, probing, & pinching
Twisting & turning the hand is stinging
My sister is sleeping next to my side
She sleeps and never once opens her eyes
Mom is asleep in the room through the door
She never accepts truth & my cries are ignored
Quietly gathering in the corner of my eyes
A tear trickles down as my soul starts to die
The hand on my mouth is released just a bit
He shoves in his penis; but nobody sees it
"Where is God to attack this devil?"
"He should put him in the ground
all neat and level."
The little girl is now tightly holding her breath
Still he pushes inside as he twists her young breasts
He pulls out so quick and grabs my hand
On my vagina is where it must land
It's almost over she screams loud inside
He'll soon prowl away & leave me to cry
The filth is now stained deep in my soul
But there's nowhere to go;
I'll be dead if I told
The nightmare is there stalking & haunting
Every morning the others are laughing & taunting
"Why can't they see the mark left on me?"
I want to scream but there's no way to break free
He threatens me always to keep his secret
He will kill me if ever I speak it
Throughout the years the burden of shame
Grew so deep; angry & maimed
The Lord has taken the devil away
A part of me is peaceful; finally safe
My burdened soul starts opening up
But the horror again has swung in and struck
The secret shame I've been forced to carry inside
Is creeping its way from where it did hide.
Finally I look at the world and scream
See my star - Now watch it gleam!!!
Written by: Patricia A. McKnight
Author; My Justice
Monday, December 12, 2011
Survivors-Stress-Triggers-Holidays
We all know how much added stress comes from the holiday season, but if you are a survivor of Child Abuse or Domestic Violence or if you were raised in a home where Domestic Violence occurred you may suffer additionally from the triggers set on by this time of year. It is tragic to think that a time when its supposed to be all about happiness and family that there would suddenly be an invasion of violence, but unfortunately for many this is the case. This time of the year is when more suicides occur from the strain put on us and the sadness that overwhelms us. The survivors of abuse know very well how the horror of their memories haunt them.
Survivors of child abuse often get anxious with the thoughts of being around those who caused our pain. Maybe we are hit with panic attacks just from the idea of spending time with those who chose to ignore the abuses. If you are in a domestic violence situation maybe you are dealing with the panic of wondering when your partner will explode. It usually isn't a matter of "Will they", but instead "When will they"? Someone who is living in ANY type of abusive situation will be suffering with depression, fear, anxiety, and possibly even the thought of suicide. Unfortunately I know this well because of my own history and experience. I had the trauma of surviving through both; twelve years of sadistic abuse as a child and more than twenty years in repeated abusive relationships.
As a child I wanted to be so excited about Christmas and presents, but for me it wasn't possible. Our family tradition was to have my step-brother and his family, along with close friends of my parents, over for an evening of drinks and dinner. I was the oldest girl so it became my duty to help prepare the feast, serve the drinks, collect any presents that were brought over and put them under the tree, and of course be the gofer for whatever anyone needed. This was my normal everyday experience though, so waiting on everyone wasn't anything different for me. I usually got to open a present if someone brought it to me, but on most of these Christmas Eve's I was just there to help out. My brothers, who were older, would usually hangout in their room; my little sister would always get presents because she was still very young. The one thing I could always depend on was the argument that would start after my stepfather had a few drinks. As the night went on and the gifts were traded between friends and family, the guest would often get aggravated at my stepfather's demanding behavior towards me and slowly begin to leave. By the end of the evening the rage in his voice would be fierce when he called on me to do something; I was his slave instead of a child to be loved.
After everyone was gone it was time for me to get the mess of our evening cleaned up. My mother would go to her room or sit in the chair to crochet while I was made to get everything back in order. As I finished the last of the dishes and walked my tired self into bed, my head would begin the normal stages of anticipated panic over his nigh time visit. It never failed that as the lights went out in our home he would come creeping into my room and the thick coal stained hand would cover my mouth to hold me captive while my body endured the burning pain of his touching and probing. As I finally drifted off to sleep I knew the morning would be happy and calm for at least the first few hours of dawn. The Christmas day however would continue the daily cycle of his drunken rage, his demanding control of my moments and the expected serving and cleaning up of the holiday meal.
As I went through the many different adult relationships, I found myself feeling that same type of stress when I was cooking the Christmas dinner and entertaining the family and friends that came to my home. It would begin to rush through my body like a hot blade as I served up all of the dinner plates, the many sweets I would bake the night before, picking up all the messes from the children's morning of excitement and again going above the call of hostess to ensure that every one's needs and wants were met. The same stress that I was filled with as a child would eat away at me inside while I tried to maintain a house full of joy for everyone else.
The different relationships required a different ending to the night of holiday joy. Some of them would be interrupted with a raging voice of anger over something not quite perfect. If I was lucky they would pass out drunk during the clean up and I would be able to tuck my children in quietly with hugs and kisses for sweet dreams. Almost always though would be that same expectation of sexual gratification they demanded for allowing me a fun filled family holiday. Whichever way my day went, it was still the same panic, stress, perfection and voice of demand that controlled my Christmas holiday. I don't remember a holiday season that my triggers weren't set off in high gear the moment I woke on first day of December; it seemed the dread of the holiday set in instantly.
If you are a survivor of the childhood or domestic abuse you probably have felt these same feelings of stress and depression. Perhaps you still live in that dreaded holiday abuse that seems to gain fuel this time of year; however, I pray that you are not. If you no longer are in that abusive environment then please try to remember these five things to help get you through:
1) First and foremost, remember that you are now safe. There is no longer the rage of an angry parent or partner that is dominating over you and instilling that feeling of fear.
2) Try to remember that the emotions you are feeling are memories of the hell you survived. Memories only have the power you give them, so try to keep your focus on the good things in your life right now. It may help to alleviate that growing sense of stress you feel.
3) Remember that it is your life now!! No longer does anyone expect perfection from you, except maybe yourself. It may seem that everything needs to be perfect for your holiday, but relax and enjoy it rather than trying to keep up with the pile of messy dishes.
4) It is important to acknowledge these buried emotions that are coming into your brain. Allow yourself some time to cry while listening to that perfect emotional song, or scream out in the woods if you need to. If you feel overwhelmed by what's going on around you then step off into a quiet room for a few minutes to regroup and get your thoughts back to the present instead of the past.
5) Reach out to someone you trust for support. Other people don't know what you are feeling inside so they can't see what is bringing you down in a day that should be filled with fun and laughter. Perhaps if you talk it out you will be able to let go of that additional stress you feel right now. It could be a great place to start your healing.
We all should be able to enjoy this holiday time. You deserve the emotions of happiness as much as you try to give it out to others. Take a deep breath and as you exhale let the bad memory flow out of your body and diminish into the air around you. It is my wish that you be blessed with the peace and happiness you deserve this holiday season and always.
Patricia A. McKnight
Author: "My Justice"
Creator of "Survivor's World" online support group
Blogtalk Radio Host - "Survivor's Speak Out"
Sponsored by: Dreamcatchers for Abused Children
Non-profit 501(c)3 Child Abuse Organization
http://www.dreamcatchersforabusedchildren.com/
"My Justice" available through:
http://bookstore.authorhouse.com/Products/SKU-000373503/My-Justice.aspx
http://www.amazon.com/My-Justice-Patricia-McKnight/dp/1452071691/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1323705462&sr=1-1
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/my-justice-patricia-a-mcknight/1100371904?ean=9781452071695&itm=1&usri=my+justice
Survivors of child abuse often get anxious with the thoughts of being around those who caused our pain. Maybe we are hit with panic attacks just from the idea of spending time with those who chose to ignore the abuses. If you are in a domestic violence situation maybe you are dealing with the panic of wondering when your partner will explode. It usually isn't a matter of "Will they", but instead "When will they"? Someone who is living in ANY type of abusive situation will be suffering with depression, fear, anxiety, and possibly even the thought of suicide. Unfortunately I know this well because of my own history and experience. I had the trauma of surviving through both; twelve years of sadistic abuse as a child and more than twenty years in repeated abusive relationships.
As a child I wanted to be so excited about Christmas and presents, but for me it wasn't possible. Our family tradition was to have my step-brother and his family, along with close friends of my parents, over for an evening of drinks and dinner. I was the oldest girl so it became my duty to help prepare the feast, serve the drinks, collect any presents that were brought over and put them under the tree, and of course be the gofer for whatever anyone needed. This was my normal everyday experience though, so waiting on everyone wasn't anything different for me. I usually got to open a present if someone brought it to me, but on most of these Christmas Eve's I was just there to help out. My brothers, who were older, would usually hangout in their room; my little sister would always get presents because she was still very young. The one thing I could always depend on was the argument that would start after my stepfather had a few drinks. As the night went on and the gifts were traded between friends and family, the guest would often get aggravated at my stepfather's demanding behavior towards me and slowly begin to leave. By the end of the evening the rage in his voice would be fierce when he called on me to do something; I was his slave instead of a child to be loved.
After everyone was gone it was time for me to get the mess of our evening cleaned up. My mother would go to her room or sit in the chair to crochet while I was made to get everything back in order. As I finished the last of the dishes and walked my tired self into bed, my head would begin the normal stages of anticipated panic over his nigh time visit. It never failed that as the lights went out in our home he would come creeping into my room and the thick coal stained hand would cover my mouth to hold me captive while my body endured the burning pain of his touching and probing. As I finally drifted off to sleep I knew the morning would be happy and calm for at least the first few hours of dawn. The Christmas day however would continue the daily cycle of his drunken rage, his demanding control of my moments and the expected serving and cleaning up of the holiday meal.
As I went through the many different adult relationships, I found myself feeling that same type of stress when I was cooking the Christmas dinner and entertaining the family and friends that came to my home. It would begin to rush through my body like a hot blade as I served up all of the dinner plates, the many sweets I would bake the night before, picking up all the messes from the children's morning of excitement and again going above the call of hostess to ensure that every one's needs and wants were met. The same stress that I was filled with as a child would eat away at me inside while I tried to maintain a house full of joy for everyone else.
The different relationships required a different ending to the night of holiday joy. Some of them would be interrupted with a raging voice of anger over something not quite perfect. If I was lucky they would pass out drunk during the clean up and I would be able to tuck my children in quietly with hugs and kisses for sweet dreams. Almost always though would be that same expectation of sexual gratification they demanded for allowing me a fun filled family holiday. Whichever way my day went, it was still the same panic, stress, perfection and voice of demand that controlled my Christmas holiday. I don't remember a holiday season that my triggers weren't set off in high gear the moment I woke on first day of December; it seemed the dread of the holiday set in instantly.
If you are a survivor of the childhood or domestic abuse you probably have felt these same feelings of stress and depression. Perhaps you still live in that dreaded holiday abuse that seems to gain fuel this time of year; however, I pray that you are not. If you no longer are in that abusive environment then please try to remember these five things to help get you through:
1) First and foremost, remember that you are now safe. There is no longer the rage of an angry parent or partner that is dominating over you and instilling that feeling of fear.
2) Try to remember that the emotions you are feeling are memories of the hell you survived. Memories only have the power you give them, so try to keep your focus on the good things in your life right now. It may help to alleviate that growing sense of stress you feel.
3) Remember that it is your life now!! No longer does anyone expect perfection from you, except maybe yourself. It may seem that everything needs to be perfect for your holiday, but relax and enjoy it rather than trying to keep up with the pile of messy dishes.
4) It is important to acknowledge these buried emotions that are coming into your brain. Allow yourself some time to cry while listening to that perfect emotional song, or scream out in the woods if you need to. If you feel overwhelmed by what's going on around you then step off into a quiet room for a few minutes to regroup and get your thoughts back to the present instead of the past.
5) Reach out to someone you trust for support. Other people don't know what you are feeling inside so they can't see what is bringing you down in a day that should be filled with fun and laughter. Perhaps if you talk it out you will be able to let go of that additional stress you feel right now. It could be a great place to start your healing.
We all should be able to enjoy this holiday time. You deserve the emotions of happiness as much as you try to give it out to others. Take a deep breath and as you exhale let the bad memory flow out of your body and diminish into the air around you. It is my wish that you be blessed with the peace and happiness you deserve this holiday season and always.
Patricia A. McKnight
Author: "My Justice"
Creator of "Survivor's World" online support group
Blogtalk Radio Host - "Survivor's Speak Out"
Sponsored by: Dreamcatchers for Abused Children
Non-profit 501(c)3 Child Abuse Organization
http://www.dreamcatchersforabusedchildren.com/
"My Justice" available through:
http://bookstore.authorhouse.com/Products/SKU-000373503/My-Justice.aspx
http://www.amazon.com/My-Justice-Patricia-McKnight/dp/1452071691/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1323705462&sr=1-1
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/my-justice-patricia-a-mcknight/1100371904?ean=9781452071695&itm=1&usri=my+justice
May you have roses in your garden of life
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